[Karen hears what she wants to do, though she's only half teasing. She'd kill for a decent pizza right now, and can almost imagine her favorite place a block away from her apartment back home. Remembering it makes her look a little sad for a second, but she swallows it down and steps aside so he can enter.]
So...how comfortable are you with my recording your story?
[Leave it to him to hit it right square on the nose. While she's fiddling with her device to access the recording function, her eyes glance up and she gives a subdued nod.]
I was hoping I could be, yeah. It's what I did back home, why not here too?
[ oh... goddamnit. fine. at least it'll be from his mouth and not people who want to martyr him. not the opa scum that's on board now. he gestures to the end of her bed like he's asking if he can sit there, but then he goes ahead and does it anyway. he drops to the bedspread like he's one of those wooden puppets, collapsing into a foldable shape. he sets his hat down on the bed next and runs a hand back through his growing, messy hair. ]
[ he lifts his eyebrows and purses his lips. yeah he gets that all the time. welwala, inner-lover. the list goes on and on. karen gets them back on track with a command and he has to laugh. sometimes she's too much. ]
No pressure then, huh? [ he scratches at a brow then puts his hands on his knees and takes a breath. ] Well, it all started on Ceres, of course. My boss at Star Helix -- Earth corp. security firm I worked for, for a long time -- she told me about this missing persons case. The daughter of a shareholder with deep pockets. She wanted me to find her, off the books, you know. She asked for discretion. I was the guy they used to call for that. Someone who wasn't afraid to peek around dark corners.
[ maybe karen can relate to that? he picks up the hat next to him suddenly and draws out the picture of julie to show her. ]
Juliette Andromeda Mao. She came all the way to Ceres to stick it to daddy, or at least, that's what I thought when I got the case. Seemed pretty cut-and-dry. A story of rebellion as old as my stupid references. [ he shakes his head ] But it wasn't simple at all because it turns out Julie wasn't simple. She joined the OPA, an Earther fighting for Belters because she thought it was the right thing to do. And she thought they would do right by her, poor thing.
Anyway, once I found out her last known location was Eros, my boss shut the whole project down. Said it was someone else's problem. That didn't sit well with me, so I didn't drop it. I don't know, maybe I'm a little like a dog with a bone that way.
[He doesn't invite her to take the picture, but Karen very gently tries to anyway. She wants to get a better look.]
I can understand that. When you get hold of a good story, it's hard to let go without digging your teeth in.
[Of course, judging by the fact that he keeps a picture of his case in his hat, it's not as simple as just being a case. Any hold that she might've tried having on the picture relents, and she's left looking at him and trying to scrutinize everything about what he's told her.]
On the other hand, I think you also might be like me in that you became connected to your case. You started to care. Is that why you didn't drop Juliette when you were told to?
[Because he clearly didn't give up on her, just the same as she didn't with Frank.]
[ he lets her take it, only vaguely reluctant to do so. it's not like she's going to tear it up or set it on fire. and sure enough she hands it back to him with no harm done. miller looks at the woman's face for a moment before tucking it safely away back into his hat pocket. ]
I couldn't drop it because it was too damn convenient. Everything started to connect. There was this ship, those guys from the Rocinante? That's how they met. On the Canterbury - it was just a rust-bucket ice-hauler, you know. Nothing special. But they heard Julie's distress call, and they went to find her. They went to save her. Except they were already too late by the time they got there and someone blew up the Cant for their effort. They got boarded by the Donnager, a Martian ship, and taken into custody, and someone blew that up too. They couldn't have a guy like me on that case, a guy who wouldn't stop turning over rocks til I got to the right one.
And yeah, maybe... maybe I started to care about her somewhere along the way. That's what Dawes seemed to think anyway.
[ there are so many moving parts to this, but he thinks if anyone could understand it would be karen so he keeps going. ]
My friend Semi, we grew up together, just two orphans with shit luck on the streets of Ceres. He got fired from Star Helix too, the same way. For not dropping something they wanted him to drop. He gave me this hat when he left for Eros, he said, "'This'll help you keep your head, Miller.'"
[ he swallows, a hand settling over the hat protectively. ] When I got to Eros to find the truth, he was waiting there for me. He helped me even though he shouldn't have, even though he thought I'd finally gone and lost my damn mind. And that's where I found her, in this no-tell-motel called The Blue Falcon. I was too late, you know. Everyone was too late where Julie Mao was concerned.
And that's how I first met Holden and his crew, too.
[What she really wants to ask is why anyone would name a child Semi, but it's probably better not to get into that. He's revealing a lot about himself here, and trying to divert attention from that would be rude. She's more fixated on his near obsession with Julie's case, understanding exactly how it feels to be so dedicated to trying to help someone that it consumes you. ]
It sounds like the system failed Julie Mao. You did everything you could to find and save her.
[He probably doesn't need the reassurance, but she gives it to him anyway.]
What's your biggest regret looking back on her story? That everyone was too late, or that you weren't able to let her go?
[It's blunt and a little nosy, but she's in reporter mode right now and focuses more on the questions that might provide interesting answers rather than fluff.]
Oh, that's not the end of the story, Karen. That's just the goddamn beginning.
[ his biggest regret, what a question. he scoffs, though it's not directed at her in any way. ]
I didn't let her go, I guess. I don't know, I haven't gotten to that part yet myself, but- Well, I already told you about the Nauvoo and flyin' Eros into Venus. From what they tell me Julie was with me. I know it sounds impossible, but when it comes to this protomolecule shit? Real world rules don't apply. You know, like physics and shit.
[ he scratches at his face and leans back a little. ]
I guess my biggest regret was getting cancer - could've done without that part. And if we hadn't stopped for that radiation detour Semi would probably still be alive.
Regrets don't get you nothin' but more regrets though, do they?
[What's seemingly the end of a story is usually the beginning of the true depth of it, just the tip of the iceberg. His talking about his cancer hits her like a punch to the gut, and her face momentarily contorts. But she's quick to cover it up, giving a little nod of her head to answer that question.]
Sometimes regrets can lead the way to learning valuable lessons.
[But he's right, more often than not regrets don't help anyone. She fiddles with her device, ending her recording.]
I know this isn't any of my business, but are you still sick?
[ he notices her ending the recording and wonders if she thinks she's doing him a favor. if he gave a fuck who knew what about him here he wouldn't have let her record in the first place. miller shrugs, then starts rolling up his jumpsuit sleeve until she can see the cancer port protruding from his arm. ]
[She leans in so she can very carefully reach out and touch at the port. Her touch isn't lingering and she tries not to put pressure on it.]
For now.
[The words are whispered, and she frowns deeply. She'll have to keep a close eye on him from now on, just in case he gets sick again. Her eyes meet his briefly before she settles back, turning back on her device.]
You said that you met Holden and his crew through Julie's case. Did you stay with them after losing her?
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If there's anything you need to talk about, I'm listening.
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I'm surprised you don't know the whole story already.
[ between what he'd told her and what he'd said to ashford, he feels like she should have a pretty good sketch. ]
You're the one texting me. What do you wanna know kid?
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But if I asked for the whole story, would you give it to me?
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[ he tells tales!! all the time!!! ]
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[They're neighbors, it's not like it's a long walk or anything.]
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I hope you didn't order a pizza because this is gonna be awkward if so.
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[Karen hears what she wants to do, though she's only half teasing. She'd kill for a decent pizza right now, and can almost imagine her favorite place a block away from her apartment back home. Remembering it makes her look a little sad for a second, but she swallows it down and steps aside so he can enter.]
So...how comfortable are you with my recording your story?
[She's little miss get down to business today.]
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Recording? What, you angling to be the station journalist? [ it isn't a no. ]
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I was hoping I could be, yeah. It's what I did back home, why not here too?
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Alright. Do your worst, Christiana Amanpour.
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[Karen's eyes narrow a little, trying to figure out how he has all these random Earth references.]
For being from an asteroid belt, you sure do know a lot about Earth.
[And that's where she leaves it before she fiddles with her device and gets it to record.]
You're going to be my first human interest story here. So make the story good.
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[ he lifts his eyebrows and purses his lips. yeah he gets that all the time. welwala, inner-lover. the list goes on and on. karen gets them back on track with a command and he has to laugh. sometimes she's too much. ]
No pressure then, huh? [ he scratches at a brow then puts his hands on his knees and takes a breath. ] Well, it all started on Ceres, of course. My boss at Star Helix -- Earth corp. security firm I worked for, for a long time -- she told me about this missing persons case. The daughter of a shareholder with deep pockets. She wanted me to find her, off the books, you know. She asked for discretion. I was the guy they used to call for that. Someone who wasn't afraid to peek around dark corners.
[ maybe karen can relate to that? he picks up the hat next to him suddenly and draws out the picture of julie to show her. ]
Juliette Andromeda Mao. She came all the way to Ceres to stick it to daddy, or at least, that's what I thought when I got the case. Seemed pretty cut-and-dry. A story of rebellion as old as my stupid references. [ he shakes his head ] But it wasn't simple at all because it turns out Julie wasn't simple. She joined the OPA, an Earther fighting for Belters because she thought it was the right thing to do. And she thought they would do right by her, poor thing.
Anyway, once I found out her last known location was Eros, my boss shut the whole project down. Said it was someone else's problem. That didn't sit well with me, so I didn't drop it. I don't know, maybe I'm a little like a dog with a bone that way.
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I can understand that. When you get hold of a good story, it's hard to let go without digging your teeth in.
[Of course, judging by the fact that he keeps a picture of his case in his hat, it's not as simple as just being a case. Any hold that she might've tried having on the picture relents, and she's left looking at him and trying to scrutinize everything about what he's told her.]
On the other hand, I think you also might be like me in that you became connected to your case. You started to care. Is that why you didn't drop Juliette when you were told to?
[Because he clearly didn't give up on her, just the same as she didn't with Frank.]
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I couldn't drop it because it was too damn convenient. Everything started to connect. There was this ship, those guys from the Rocinante? That's how they met. On the Canterbury - it was just a rust-bucket ice-hauler, you know. Nothing special. But they heard Julie's distress call, and they went to find her. They went to save her. Except they were already too late by the time they got there and someone blew up the Cant for their effort. They got boarded by the Donnager, a Martian ship, and taken into custody, and someone blew that up too. They couldn't have a guy like me on that case, a guy who wouldn't stop turning over rocks til I got to the right one.
And yeah, maybe... maybe I started to care about her somewhere along the way. That's what Dawes seemed to think anyway.
[ there are so many moving parts to this, but he thinks if anyone could understand it would be karen so he keeps going. ]
My friend Semi, we grew up together, just two orphans with shit luck on the streets of Ceres. He got fired from Star Helix too, the same way. For not dropping something they wanted him to drop. He gave me this hat when he left for Eros, he said, "'This'll help you keep your head, Miller.'"
[ he swallows, a hand settling over the hat protectively. ] When I got to Eros to find the truth, he was waiting there for me. He helped me even though he shouldn't have, even though he thought I'd finally gone and lost my damn mind. And that's where I found her, in this no-tell-motel called The Blue Falcon. I was too late, you know. Everyone was too late where Julie Mao was concerned.
And that's how I first met Holden and his crew, too.
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It sounds like the system failed Julie Mao. You did everything you could to find and save her.
[He probably doesn't need the reassurance, but she gives it to him anyway.]
What's your biggest regret looking back on her story? That everyone was too late, or that you weren't able to let her go?
[It's blunt and a little nosy, but she's in reporter mode right now and focuses more on the questions that might provide interesting answers rather than fluff.]
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[ his biggest regret, what a question. he scoffs, though it's not directed at her in any way. ]
I didn't let her go, I guess. I don't know, I haven't gotten to that part yet myself, but- Well, I already told you about the Nauvoo and flyin' Eros into Venus. From what they tell me Julie was with me. I know it sounds impossible, but when it comes to this protomolecule shit? Real world rules don't apply. You know, like physics and shit.
[ he scratches at his face and leans back a little. ]
I guess my biggest regret was getting cancer - could've done without that part. And if we hadn't stopped for that radiation detour Semi would probably still be alive.
Regrets don't get you nothin' but more regrets though, do they?
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Sometimes regrets can lead the way to learning valuable lessons.
[But he's right, more often than not regrets don't help anyone. She fiddles with her device, ending her recording.]
I know this isn't any of my business, but are you still sick?
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Good as new.
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For now.
[The words are whispered, and she frowns deeply. She'll have to keep a close eye on him from now on, just in case he gets sick again. Her eyes meet his briefly before she settles back, turning back on her device.]
You said that you met Holden and his crew through Julie's case. Did you stay with them after losing her?
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idk how i missed this?